


big shaq is the best mathematician

by akirabear



Category: Original - Fandom
Genre: Other, idk wht to tag, read with caution, so just be careful
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 06:17:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19784947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akirabear/pseuds/akirabear
Summary: uh i wrote this during writing camp so we wildincopy n pasting from google docs





	1. ONE.

Once upon a time there was a young boy who aspired to help all the people he could during his lifetime. He started with his family, completing tasks without having to be asked and always asking if anyone needed anything. Then it expanded to his friends, helping them with projects or personal ordeals. He was always there to lend a helping hand. The boy displayed a cheerful persona, trying to make everyone he knew give a chuckle and a grin. But there was something about him that nobody knew.

He was suffering. No, it didn’t have to do with his physical health. Rather, it concerned his emotional health. He had focused on others to the point he forgot to take care of his own emotions. Whenever he felt down he would shove his feelings to the back of his mind, and proceed to act like a dork. Whenever he wanted to break down into a pitiful sob, he bit his tongue harshly to will the rain away. All his pent up frustration only furthered this problem until he was through.

The boy insisted on helping others first, and it began to become a physical problem. He’d stay up all night to listen to people’s worries, and skip meals so he could focus all his attention on them. But nobody seemed to notice that he was off except for one person. One of his younger friends was one of the few who always returned his secure concern. He made sure to check up on him when he the bags under his eyes told a story, or when his stomach pleaded for food. When he balled his fists in a mild yet roaring anger or locked his door so he could just be alone. 

The younger boy gave continual support of the older, and admired him deeply. Their friendship was a close and strong bond and they complimented each other nicely. The younger boy was more quiet, and had a pessimistic view on life, unlike the older boy. Yet, somehow they were able to create an untouchable bond which served helpful for the both of them. 

And whenever the older boy wanted to conceal his feelings and pretend like everything was okay, the younger saw through his facade and was there for him. And the older boy knew he wasn’t alone. 


	2. TWO.

Fire. It was everywhere. No place inside of this building was untouched by the raging beast. The screams of scattered different pitches filled the ears of all the curious bystanders, yet there was nobody there to fight the intense blaze. Life flickered in and out of consciousness for the one person inside the burning house. Tears began to pour from the sky and the only light was gifted by the moon, which was peeking through the clouds. 

A large flash of thunder took over and now only one small figure stood outside of the building. It was no longer ablaze and there was no sense of peril. It was polished, untouched ; even the dazzling daffodils were smiling upon a sunny day. Everything was  _ perfect _ in the most literal sense of the word. Until a light gray puff in the sky began to creep further and further, stopping itself right in front of the sun. 

The singing daffodils were ruthlessly snatched out of the ground and violently flew up and into the dark spot in the sky. Soon, the building was uprooted, too, hovering for a bit before getting hurled towards the cloud. Bit by bit every part of the perfect world was taken away and destroyed. All the while, the figure just stood there, blank expression, not sure what to make of the situation. Everything faded into a deep, sorrowful darkness.

A loud buzzing of an alarm helped dark brown eyes flutter open, a naturally tan arm reaching out to slide the phone back to sleep. It was a normal school morning for Nikolai (NIH-ko-lye), seeing as he never looked forward to getting up early for anything whatsoever. But he supposed it wasn’t the end of the world, yawning as he sat up and proceeded to get ready in the most average pace and average way. 

Nikolai was a boring young teenager with a very mundane life, full of very uninteresting things. For example, he had gotten so used to scoring between 80 and 97 on tests, he never really got excited anymore. Only let down on the times he got even less, and figured he’d “do better next time.” 

He rode inside his aunt’s car to middle school every week day, and gazed in a dream-like trance outside the clear window. Sometimes when there was warmer weather, he would roll down the backseat window as far was it would go (his older sister always took the front seat) because of the child safety lock and gaze even clearer. It wasn’t because he wanted anything from the outdoors. Matter of fact, he highly disliked the outdoors because of the surplus of insects and plethora of dirt. It was simply a nice car pastime, so he didn’t have to actually think about school. 

When he arrived at school, he’d offer his aunt a sweet smile and wave goodbye, taking his time to get inside of the building. Unless it was cold, then he gave roadrunner competition, not wanting to become a living icicle. He’d get unpacked and get his books ready for his first class, then nod off to dreamland for the ten minutes he had before life moved in its typical routine. 

The day was pretty average, not much happened, and even lunch was rather quiet. Nikolai listened to his friends have odd and blaring conversations, and add in a bit of input every here and there. His eyelids began to flutter shut near the end, the side of his face resting on an empty, grayish blue lunchbox. The world turned hazy again, like an impossibly large smog of sleep was reigning over his mind. 

_ BANG! _

A loud noise caused Nikolai to jump up, eyes bolting open and mind in full shock. He was eye to eye with a familiar, shorter figure when he took in his surroundings. 

“Hey, sleeping beauty, it’s time to go up.” The voice was slightly higher pitched, and came from a very short and pale boy. He had dark brown hair and eyes, which seemed almost intimidating in a way, unlike Nikolai’s more messy appearance. 

A smile graced Nikolai’s face as he looked at the younger. “Really? Thanks for letting me know, Jay.” He spoke softly, and probably would’ve engulfed the other in a platonic hug if it wasn’t for the giant, light brown and black table between them. 

“ It’s not a big deal, but let’s go? We’ll be late if we wait any longer.” 

“ Alright.”

And the two ended up taking their time, talking as they strolled up the stairs. But they didn’t mind being late to their following classes, because they had the opportunity to talk to each other again. Jay was a very busy person, his parents forcing a lot of activities onto him, so most of their time talking was spent texting back and forth. It always stressed the younger out, to the point Nikolai was prepared to assemble a whole slideshow for Jay’s parents as of why he should get more breaks. Jay might’ve not been in the best of emotional health, but Nikolai was always there for him, and will always be there for him.

The rest of the day seemed to go by quick for Nikolai, mostly since he spaced out in most of his classes, only consuming the important information he would need later on. And after school, he schlepped himself down to the dismissal area, searching for his car and hopping in almost immediately. Another uneventful day passed, and it seemed as though the moon was up only seconds after the sun rose. 

Now Nikolai was laying in bed, occasionally nodding off into a state of half dream and half reality. His eyes flickered between being open and closed and he felt his head get heavy, almost like a weight. His half reality slowly came to a close and he entered dreamland again, but was snapped right back out in seconds. 

He heard his phone ringing from the opposite side of the room, slowly getting louder and louder. Of course Nikolai didn’t really want to answer it, but when it was getting so loud he felt the entire neighborhood could hear the dramatic guinea pig squeaking noises, he wobbled off the bed and checked the caller ID. And of course it was a random number, who forced him to get up most likely in a pitiful attempt to get him to purchase something from a sketchy website. He swiftly used his index finger to swipe across the phone, leading it to decline the call. Right when he was ready to turn around and continue his almost nap, though, his eyes were caught on the lingering message notification. 

It was from Jay, which made everything much better. He didn’t mind responding to the other even if it was in odd hours in the morning. It was usually odd times in the morning, considering Jay had a hard time sleeping and had a tendency to just lay in bed lifelessly or staying up on his phone or computer. Unlike Jay, Nikolai wasn’t the best at pretending to be asleep, so his mother could easily bring up the sheets and expose him. Then the next thing he knew he was in big trouble, and getting disappointed stares from his mother and getting yelled at until his ears couldn’t hear properly again. So, he settled for going to bed extremely early so he could wake up extremely early. 

Nikolai picked up his phone and carried it over to his bed, sitting down at the very edge again. He quickly put in his password, the blue-ish light from the device illuminating his face. After opening up messages, he scanned the text and tilted his head in confusion. It was a youtube link, and after a few seconds of debating he opened it. A kid’s television theme song proceeded to blare throughout his room and he had never closed a tab so fast. A few giggles escaped his lips and he smiled at Jay’s antics. 

His fingers moved quickly on the mobile keyboard as he replied with a clown emoji and a simple ‘  _ watch ur back im Coming For You _ .’ The two exchanged messages for what felt like hours. By the time Nikolai’s eyes wandered back to the clock, he realized it was back to the incredibly early morning and he had school again in about four hours. He said a quick goodbye to Jay and let his phone rest on the table next to his bed, ascending into a deep sleep. 


	3. THREE.

Nikolai was sat down on a boring, light brown and black cafeteria table, Jay sitting right across from him. It almost felt like the other was a detective interrogating him, despite never actually saying anything about why he was there. Nikolai’s heart sped up in anticipation as his eyes kept wandering until they stayed looking at the suddenly interesting floor. Silence filled the air so clear that when a hand gently slammed onto the table, Nikolai couldn’t help but jump. 

Ever since the morning, Nikolai’s day specifically had gone terrible. He had overslept that morning, and found himself unreasonably upset, mind filled with the plot holes of his personality. After he finally left the house, somehow getting ready in a max of six minutes, he ran inside his aunt’s car and they were off. He wasn’t that late to school but still had to take up a late pass from the grouchy receptionist who always seemed to give a scowl. Throughout the whole day he couldn’t think straight, and kept spacing out. Usually spacing out meant odd daydreams about people with hair for legs, but on that day in particular he could only focus on himself. Everywhere he turned he felt like people were watching him, and dictating his every move with their judging eyes. Though that wasn’t true, it seeped into his subconscious and he couldn’t shake a tired, unhappy feeling the whole day. After school, Jay had pulled him to the side and that’s where we lie now. 

“ You’ve been acting off lately.” The phrase sounded like the start of a question but ended up as more of a statement. Nikolai brought his hands together in his lap to fiddle his fingers, nails already bitten away. 

“ Oh. Really? I’ve been doing quite well actu-” The reply included a lot of awkward and unsure laughter, before being interjected by the younger.

“ What’s wrong?” The question rang an alarm inside Nikolai’s brain and his eyes came up again, looking everywhere but the person in front of him. His heart managed to pump even faster ; his brain tried to think of a quick and plausible lie. 

“ N-Nothing at all! Like I said I’ve been doing great!” He stuttered out, before making regretful eye contact with his friend. Jay let out an audible sigh and for some reason, Nikolai felt safe and kept his eyes on him.

“ Please stop lying. You can trust me with anything, as cheesy as it sounds.” The words made Nikolai give a sweet smile, and began to crack, finally deciding to let it go. He ranted about everything that’s been on his mind since the whole mask persona was created, and Jay listened to everything as close as possible. Until he didn’t anymore. 

“ So, I really hope you still want to be my fr-” He was cut off quickly, by his friend’s suddenly cold tone and uncharacteristic uncaring edge.

“ I don’t.”

“ You what?”

“ I said I do not want to be your friend anymore.” Jay concluded, getting up and turning opposite of Nikolai. “ Why should I give you my attention, only for you to absorb it and never feel better? What’s the point?”

“Well I guess I didn’t think that through… but-” 

“Exactly, you only thought of yourself which is why I’m leaving.” The only noise was Jay’s footsteps as he left the room and Nikolai’s heart. Suddenly, everything faded to black.

Nikolai bolted up, hair sticking to his forehead as he heaved for air. It was a dream. Just a sick, cynical dream. 


	4. FOUR.

The rest of the day seemed to go rather well once Nikolai was over the nightmare and feeling of everlasting exhaustion. The lack of sleep the previous night did not help with his situation in the slightest. Though, the whole day it was noticeable that he seemed stiff. He was very on edge, and jumped whenever someone said his name. When the teacher asked him to read a passage he nearly hit his head on the ceiling. And when Jay tapped his arm between classes, his heart nearly leaped out of his chest and ran away. Instead of that, however, he simply made a small noise of surprise and turned to face the shorter. 

“ Oh gosh, you scared me!” He exclaimed, a very stiff giggle tip toeing into his speech. Jay rose an eyebrow to his behavior, but then just quietly laughed before speaking.

“ You’re scared of everything these days, huh?” Jay questioned, giving the sun competition with the smile he flashed at Nikolai. The latter gave a sheepish smile in return before trying to change the subject. 

“ It’s friday, right? You have band now.” 

“ Yeah! I’ll be going once I finish this conversation.” 

“ Oh. Well, I guess you should go. Y’know get an early start on preparing your violin.” Nikolai hadn’t intended for the words to cut and sting like a paper cut on Jay. But he wasn’t sure that he wanted the younger around right now. Selfish. He was being selfish and rude, he knew that. But he couldn’t stand the thought of talking to Jay anymore right now. He couldn’t stand the thought of his  _ best friend _ . 

How pathetic was that. He couldn’t even hear Jay’s voice before he was brought into a hug and Jay had walked away. He hadn’t hugged back and felt a sense of nothing. His thoughts nearly brought him to brief hysterics, his heart sinking the more he realized how terrible of a friend he was. His chapped lips let out a helpless sigh, before he turned on his heels and continued his routine to go home. 

Nikolai said his hello’s to his family members, smiling brightly and completing all his chores after he changed out of his uniform. Rather than his usual big grin, his eyes were bright red and he was easily out of breath. Even after he finished and was ready to curl up to bed, he was heaving for air. 

He was heaving for an escape. Something that could help him forget about it all, and take his guilty away. Nikolai wanted to smash his moral compass into the ground and jump on it as many times as it takes for it to no longer work. He wanted to cut off all his special links to other people and just hide away in his room for the rest of his life. He wanted no more nightmares ; no more reasons for him to be terrified of every approaching day. He wanted to hide under his blankets and descend into a long-term dream only to never wake up and lead a life. Another fake life. However, instead of the fake life he tries to live in reality, maybe the one he could create in his dreams would bring him much more comfort rather than pain. 

Maybe the water he was drowning in could dry up and become a nice beach or a pool of choice. Just something other than the raging and crushing waves of the ocean which showed no mercy for anybody, especially not Nikolai. The waves devoured him and every pure-hearted feeling he contained until he was reduced to nothing.  _ Nothing _ . He was  **nothing** , and he wasn’t okay with it. He wanted to become something. He wanted to help others, give them a second chance that they deserved, but he wasn’t sure. Nikolai was unsure of his own emotions and of his own mental health. Who’s to say his advice wouldn’t put others in the same state as him? What if he slowly brought everyone down with him, until it all spiraled down into one big catastrophe? 

He fell back onto his soft blankets, with a slightly firm yet run down mattress. Dark brown eyes fluttered closed as he tried to dismiss his intensifying inner demons, trying to fill his mind with sheep to count and dreams to be had. Eventually, he nodded off to sleep and won a battle; one battle out of many.


End file.
